majen17763's Xanga

This video is hard not to watch, it's hypnotizing...

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 21:58:08 GMT

http://www.videocodezone.com/videos/s/shakira/hips_dont_lie.html"

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 14:24:51 GMT

Well it seems that I have caused myself to have either an ulcer or a galbladder issue. Went to the Drs today because of this pain I've had since Sunday night that has kept me awake ALL night long and he tells me he thinks it's most likely an ulcer but coul be my galbladder. LOVELY. Just what I need the week that Reuben is taking Taylor camping for the weekend and I won't see her for 5 days.

They are going camping Sat - Monday, coming home Monday and he'll have her until Wednesday. Ugh, I already know I'm going to be stressed about that. I hope I'll be o.k. I went and picked up lots of books to keep me busy. I need prayers though to get me through not being around my baby girl.

I go back to the Drs. on Friday for a follow up. They took blood and urine. I think I have a yeast infection too. Ugh. I just want to feel good again. I just want to feel normal again. Why can't I feel normal?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 23:44:44 GMT

So I called Diane to let her know that I did not feel comfortable with her taking Taylor to see her parents this fall. Man was she PISSED. She said goodbye and hung up on me. I called her back and told her that I really didn't appreciate being hung up on like that because of a decision that I made as a mother. She asked me what I didn't feel comfortable with, was it the plane, her, what? I told her exactly what it is, that I don't like Taylor being that FAR away from me at this age. Maybe when she's older but not right now.

She was still pissed off and so be it, I don't care anymore. She said that her and REuben will go up there. DO you think I should send her great grandparents a letter explaining to them and saying I'm sorry that she can't come up there right now? THen she tried to put the guilt trip on me that her parents aren't going to be coming down here anymore because she is moving to New Mexico. Not my problem that you decided to move to New Mexico. And if she thinks I'm going to send Taylor down there for the summers like she did to REuben she's got another thing coming, not going to happen. FOr the most part 99% of the people I've talked to have agreed with me and that they also wouldn't send there kids off with the MIL or in this case REuben's Mother.

I'm just not comfortable. Period. End of Story!!

I need to learn to be a stronger person. Like my dear friend Jill. I need to be more like her.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 14:36:48 GMT

I sent this email to Reuben yesterday, we'll see how he reacts. I'll let you know.

Reuben,

We need to talk about this whole situation about your Mom wanting to take Taylor up to see her parents. For right now I have told your mother No. I think she is too young and I'm just not comfortable with the idea. Your Grandparents have seen Taylor 4 times, they are SO lucky to have seen her and spend that much time with her.

Your mother's argument to me was that I drove 6 hours to see my Grandmother and yes we drove up to New Jersey but we drove up there for an 50th anniversary party for my Mom's Aunt and we stopped by the nursing home on our way out of town for 1 hour to see my Grandmother. We didn't specifically go up to see my Grandma and we didn't go back up there again. I could have but I decided that it was just too much.

I don't think that I should be the one fighting with your mother about this. Maybe you want her to go, I don't know, you won't answer your damn phone but regardless I don't want her to go and unfortunately or fortunately I have the final say in this.

I also want to talk to you about your "beach" trip at the end of August. I am very concerned with last weeks events. Go ahead and call me up right now and tell me your going to take me back to court because I know that's what your thinking. Neither one of us want to play that game. I think it would be in your best interest to sty in town with Taylor those days and do something with her here. You don't need to be spending all that money on a hotel when it's the last week of the summer before school starts and it's very expensive, especially since your so concerned about being able to afford your apartment.

We need to sit down and have a serious talk about these events that have happened. I need you to be calm and understand where I am coming from and try and put yourself in my shoes for just 1 second and see where I'm coming from. Pretend that I threatened suicide and drove home drunk. How would you react to me???? Think about it for a few minutes before you answer. How would you really react if I wanted to commit suicide and I was responsible for your daughter? What would you do?

You know I care about you and I care about how you feel and I care about your well being. It's not my place to think that your crazy for trying to stay with Susan but then again it is my place to not think that it's the best situation for Taylor.

With that said. Please call me CALMLY so we can talk.

The Drama continues.

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 17:53:47 GMT

Reuben thinks I'm trying to make Babygirl afraid of flying???? What kind of mother would I be if I tried to make my kid afraid of everything I was? Do you think I want my kid to end up as afraid of everything as I am?? I mean honestly, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

Just talked to Diane on the phone and she's all pissed off at me. Ended up hanging up on me (Must run in the family ), because she finally just said "let me ask you a question." Would you let me take Babygirl to Mass. by mysel?" It took me all of .2 seconds to say "NO" and then she hung up on me. I mean come on lady, I wouldn't let my own mother, who I trust with my life to take Babygirl on a plane out of the state. Diane has to take a Xanax when she flies. How is she going to take care of Babygirl if she's on a Xanax. I mean I've taken Xanax before and yeah I can function on 1/2 of one but doesn't mean that I take it when I'm alone with Babygirl "JUST IN CASE", ya know what I mean?

Before Diane hung up on me she said something to the fact that I drove 6 hours with Babygirl in the car to go see my Grandmother. Fact #1: We drove to New Jersey for my Aunt's 50th Wedding Anniversary; Fact #2: My Grandmother was in a nursing home, we stopped by on our way out of town to see her. I knew that was going to be brought up sooner or later, "how come you get to do what you want to do but Reuben can't, he has just as many rights". Maybe so but "I don't trust him..PERIOD!! And I certainly don't trust him after all that shit that he pulled last week. So she thinks that because I don't trust him that I don't trust her. Well to some extent that's kind of true, I don't trust a lot of people with my kid, it's just the way that I am.

So now what do I do? I hate this fighting, it's really starting to wear me down and cause me un-necessary stress and anxiety.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:43:44 GMT

So Reuben and I got into it again yesterday about babygirl. We ended up meeting somewhere early because he just doesn't take a second to listen. He wanted to drop her off around 7:30, I asked him if he could drop her off earlier and he went into a tizzy fit and hung up on me. Dude, your 33 years old, it's time to STOP freaking hanging up on people because your not getting your way. So because he didn't want to listen to me and just kept hanging up on me he ended up meeting me around 2:30. He irritates the hell out of me.

And then last night Babygirl tells me that she's going on a plane with her Grandma to go vistit her parents. LIKE HELL YOU ARE!! Diane (Reuben's mother) asked me months ago if she could take Babygirl to see her parents in Mass. I said no. She said well don't think about it right now but I do want to take her to see them in September. I guess she didn't like my answer. So I guess the topic came up yesterday when Reuben took her to Diane's work for lunch and from what Babygirl said and I know this is just Babygirls perception but she said "she is going on a plane and going far far away". So I had total panic attacks over that last night. There isn't a chance in hell I'm letting her go, but how do I tell them no???? I don't feel comfortable with Babygirl flying and being that far away from me. I'm the primary custodial parent, what rights do I have to tell them they can't take her? Will the airline even let her on without something saying that I'm allowing her to leave the state? Babygirl has my last name not his.

Ugh, the stress begins...AGAIN!!

So I sent this email to Diane this morning. (I didn't send it in Red though, LOL)

Good morning,

Well I guess I should tell you what I told Reuben last night about something I guess that was said to "Babygirl" yesterday about you taking "Babygirl" on a plane to see your parents. I'm a little upset that you guys took it upon yourself to tell her this when I never even said that it was o.k. to take her.

I don't like "Babygirl" being told things and then having to deal with her when it doesn't happen. She told me about it last night and then got upset because she understood it as you taking her far far away and I'm not going to be there.

I would appreciate it in the future that before anyone tells "Babygirl" that she is going somewhere that it be run across me first so I can be prepared for the questions about it when she gets home.

Thanks

Monday, July 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 15:21:51 GMT

Not that I'm suprised one bit but Reuben and his Girlfriend, Fiance, dumb-ass, bitch, whatever you want to call her are back together again.

After all that bull shit that happened, they got back together. He says it's because she needs help and he isn't just going to abandon her. I give it another week before all hell breaks loose. So after Susan called me on the phone that night and said how she can't date someone with a kid and how she wished that Reuben didn't have a kid I have put down the rule that babygirl will not be allowed to see Susan or spend the night at their apartment. He's not happy about it but he understands how it's going to be. He can pick her up on Mondays and spend the day with her and then I'll go to pick her up at night.

Am I wrong???? I say hell no. why would I want my kid to be with the so called women who is jealous of a 4 year old and why would I want my kid to be around this person and get even more attached. I just so pissed off about the whole situation it makes me sick.

Now I have to figure out how to tell him that he can't take babygirl to the beach at the end of August. Oh the drama.

How Stressed Are You?

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 13:46:59 GMT

Your Stress Level is: 69%strong

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now. Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out. Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.

http://www.blogthings.com/howstressedareyouquiz/

SHOCKER!!

My past is coming back to haunt me....

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 12:57:36 GMT

Let's see, where to begin. Let me try and make this short. I copied an email that I sent to Reuben's mother this morning because I just don't feel like re-typing everything so let me try and explain just a little bit of what happened last night. Reuben and his fiance split up for, what seems like the 100th time, only this time I hope it sticks because they are just not good for each other AT ALL. She is just SO jealous of Taylor and does not like having to share time with Reuben. IS SHE 4 Years old or something? So reuben of course went out drinking and got drunk and then started with the phone calls and text messages. So this is what I sent to his mother this morning.

I had to take a sleeping pill last night otherwise I would have been up all night thinking about all that happened last night. Reuben sent me a text message shortly after I got off the phone with you that read, and I quote "Goodnight to all and see you in the after life!? Please do not respond". Susan called me too becuase she got the same message from Reuben and then I had forwarded the message to her as well.

Susan is definitely moving out and she is turning off the utilities as well because everything is in her name. Apparently Reuben couldn't even get the power turned on in his name because of some past bill that he still owes. I'm almost glad to know that they won't be together anymore because she definitely was jealous of Taylor and that's just not right. Even last night Susan made some comments that I literally had to bite my tongue about.

I don't know what to do about Reuben and his bahavior from last night, it's definitely unacceptable and I can't keep reliving the past like this. Apparently not too much has changed with Reuben, he still is a very jealous person who trusts no one and is constantly asking stupid questions like he did before with me, he's still drinking and he's still threatening suicide.

It's going to get worse before it gets better and me not letting her stay the night with him for just right now is going to throw him into a tizzy but I have to think of Taylor first right now and when Susan disconnects the utilities it's going to be really bad for Reuben.

Susan told me that when they first moved in together that her mother came out and took them shopping for stuff for the house and then Susan said she actually said to you "why didn't you do anything for us"? I can't even believe she said anything to you. I'm suprised by a lot of things that Susan has said to me in the past 24 hours.

It will be interesting to hear what Reuben has to say today. I think I'm not going to answer his calls for the weekend and tell him that Monday is not a good day to take Taylor. He's just not stable enough right now to be taking care of her. I don't trust his thinking and judgment. He drove home last night too, not too long after he supposidly was at this guy Chris' house. This Chris guy is obviously a loser, I could tell just by talking to him.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:00:53 GMT

Have you ever gone back and re-read one of blogs? I'm almost laughing out loud crying at how much of a bitch I sound like.

Must be one of my up moods hitting me right now. Not to worry I'll be back in my down mood, in 5-4-3-2-1. Yup, I'm back to my normal bitchy self again. Is it just me or can you feel your moods going up and down. It's a crazy feeling I tell ya.